What Love?

  

I can remember being in love once.

The feeling made me sick…to be without him it was like the Earth

Weighed down on my shoulders, boulders crushing me.

And to be with him? Well it was like nothing else existed.

We parted ways but my heart persisted to feel that again.

Like needles, and vials invading my veins

I loved him, more than I loved life itself.

I was twelve years old…innocent.

Broken and torn, and in 16 years I’ve craved another hit.

Looking for a dealer searching corners, and schools, office buildings

But no, they say it’s never like the first time.

And I remember writing love poems until carpal tunnel manifested

Wrist brittle like my grandmother and now I can’t think of one word…

One word to describe that feeling I once felt, when I was young and innocent.

And I still crave that pain.

Looking for a dealer, just give me one hit.

And everyone claims to have the best shit in the city,

And I, the naïve I purchase the product,

I anticipate the privacy of my home

Just to be alone

With what I was made to believe would bring me

Back

Back to when I was twelve

And I’m shaking, doubtful, hesitant

To roll up my sleeve

Tighten my rubber band

Destroying me!

Close my eyes

Metal invading my veins got me remembering

But as the poison intrudes taking over my system

I’m reminded,

I was fooled,

Naïve

Duped

Bamboozled

Lead amuck

I can remember being in love once

It didn’t feel like this

So dirty and cheap

I used to know love and would write until

The calluses would bleed.

And now the calluses have receded

And the feeling makes me sick