What Love?

  

I can remember being in love once.

The feeling made me sick…to be without him it was like the Earth

Weighed down on my shoulders, boulders crushing me.

And to be with him? Well it was like nothing else existed.

We parted ways but my heart persisted to feel that again.

Like needles, and vials invading my veins

I loved him, more than I loved life itself.

I was twelve years old…innocent.

Broken and torn, and in 16 years I’ve craved another hit.

Looking for a dealer searching corners, and schools, office buildings

But no, they say it’s never like the first time.

And I remember writing love poems until carpal tunnel manifested

Wrist brittle like my grandmother and now I can’t think of one word…

One word to describe that feeling I once felt, when I was young and innocent.

And I still crave that pain.

Looking for a dealer, just give me one hit.

And everyone claims to have the best shit in the city,

And I, the naïve I purchase the product,

I anticipate the privacy of my home

Just to be alone

With what I was made to believe would bring me

Back

Back to when I was twelve

And I’m shaking, doubtful, hesitant

To roll up my sleeve

Tighten my rubber band

Destroying me!

Close my eyes

Metal invading my veins got me remembering

But as the poison intrudes taking over my system

I’m reminded,

I was fooled,

Naïve

Duped

Bamboozled

Lead amuck

I can remember being in love once

It didn’t feel like this

So dirty and cheap

I used to know love and would write until

The calluses would bleed.

And now the calluses have receded

And the feeling makes me sick

This River

Flowing…

like this river

Carrying many things

providing, and full of life; my heart

so pure,

became filled with pollution and when the levy broke

right after the storm?

My heart poured

just like this river.

And now the tides have receded

And lost souls wander

Just like this river

my heart too carries bones,

decomposing flesh

still flowing…

So now, slowly I will build a dam

confining and restricting my course.

Built the levies higher

and NO storm

Will ever cause my love to flow

Endlessly

Aimlessly

Causing death and destruction

No!

My soul will live

Rebuild

Provide, and be full of life.

Once again be pure

Just like this river…

Hatshepsut Amun Re

                                              

For My Son

I think he hates me, when I love him more than words can describe.

A Prince, born from a Queen; head of the tribe.

And I did nothing to deserve this, but someone thought otherwise

Used to be a King, but was wearing a disguise.

Taught the Prince to be an enemy of the state

Filled his mind with lies, turned him into an apostate.

And he used to love me back, filled my cheek with kisses

But now all I have are memories, sweet and reminiscence

And our days were short, I should have cherished them more

Should’ve slaughtered the King, But the King he adored

His father, and no one could break the bond

Turned him away from faces that used to be fond.

I miss him, but he can’t stand the sound of voice

The King took him away, and I had no choice,

I tried everything, but the King was bitter inside

Didn’t like being dethroned, and had too much pride

So he vowed, he would do everything to hurt me

When I gave him the throne and he proved to be unworthy

Took my Prince, and it’s been 1 year to the day

I see his face in my dreams where I wish I could stay.

And I pray to God, the Force of the Universe

That he hears my cries and listens to the verse

It’s a curse I swear, from the King to the Queen

Was in love with what I saw, but never prepared for the unseen.

Never dreamed he would take a life bore from my womb

And turn him against me, might as well lay me in the tomb

My first son, Yes, he was heir to the throne

But the King turned him against me, his Queen, his home.

And all I can do is wait, till the day his intellect grows

Till he realizes the difference between family, friends, and foes.

And that will be the day he remembers my arms and how they held him

How I built a fort, and everyday how it shelled him,

How I would have died to keep him safe and still will

But this was part of a plan unknown; God’s Will

How I attempted to save him until life was taken out of me

How I ran, kicked, and bit until breathe was taken out of me

How I love my son, cried when I bore him

Been a year since I saw your face, and I still adore him

Always will, he’s life from my life

Blood from my blood, success from my strife.

So I wait for the date, when the King will learn

I wait for the date of the Prince’s return

Nevermind the King’s intentions or his emotions

Nevermind his anger or his thoughtless notions

I believe in something greater

The truth is coming later

Will no longer compromise myself

Cause the truth is gonna snap closed tight like a gater.

And if you’re old enough to read this I mean no harm to your father,

But if it wasn’t for your life I wish I would have never bothered,

to stop that day, on Broad st. while I was walking

but I thank god for that day cuz on that day He was talking

to me

you see? You’re here for a reason

and I wish I could take back the attacks and the treason.

But God has a plan and it’s gonna make you stronger

And I apologize for the drama, and if he’s wrong then Im wronger

Or more wrong,

But I cant say that I was more right

I feel like I should’ve bombed the courtroom and took you on a flight

But although he was dethroned, he still was your father

Could’ve let you see me or you sibling but he didn’t bother

And there’s nothing I can do

Nothing you could do either

We just wait for the day the devil pulls back the fever

Wait for the day, he gets over his feeling

Recognize grown up dealings stop the patterns, avoid healings.

Cuz I remember that day, been missing you ever since

And this is my story, from a Queen who lost her Prince.

Hatshepsut Amun Re

Beautifully Ugly

A love so sweet, it burns holes through your teeth

Crippling

Like a tractor trailer, full fledged in the sea

It was something poisonous about it

maybe narcotic

It was a love so sweet I couldn’t live without it

It was my spoon,

my needle

My tight rubber band

decapitating

everything about me

Cold steel in my hand.

And I pulled the trigger twice but death wants me to live,

and yet and still not be alive but amongst those who cannot see her.

Love,

Who’s light burns radiantly like the Sun

yet to touch her is to burn, flesh falling to the ground as the Earth absorbs her.

Never thought I could find beauty this ugly

Love so hateful and full of spite

Wrapping around me like a python

sqeezing life from within me

stealing my breathe.

I would have fought you back if I had known

But the drugs left me numb

left me deaf, dumb and blind

How?

Love so sweet, left a taste in my mouth; melted, like cotton candy

Narcotic.

so stuck in my mind that I can’t live without it.

It was rich and deep,

sweetly dark like chocolate

Only hidden or secret

So stuck by my side

I swear I wanted to leave it,

free her from my soul,

But she was my glass pipe

my lighter

my little white rocks

It was like I was a hustler

and she was the block!

Love,

So narcotic

So

Beautifully ugly…

I am Everything

I am Everything!

This energy within me, moving…increasing

Releasing itself only to renew

Its you!

Can’t you see it?

We are the same One

We are everything

From the Earth to the Sun.

No fear lives here

I’ve let go of it all

Free

Realizing that I am not me!

Multi-dimensional

Loving every part

A student of nature

Loving the beat of my heart.

On a voyage through space

Learning to live in the now

But How?

With the clock ticking and the day turning to night

I can see with no eyes, my spirit has sight.

I am you!

And I recognize myself,

I am not me

I am free!!

I am everything!

The timeless universe is within me.

Abstract dreams waking up to simulations

I am Creation

I am Everything!!

Me, you, him, and her

A blur in the matrix

And there is only One us!!

Only One me

Only one you and

Only one we!!

We are Everything!!

-Hatshepsut

DistraXions

I hear the buzz,

Like bees

Whispers in the wind

Everyone has got opinions

About everyone else’s sin

Just men

we are

and it’s obvious

continuously seeking satisfaction

Not worried about the war waged against us

Too indulged in the distraction

The abstraction of our consciousness

Kanye West is having a baby

And it’s crazy,

TMZ is shown three times daily.

Meanwhile the United Nations are plotting

On ways to invade every poor nation

Moving silently,

Making their way to Mali

But I did not see that on the news

Just saw how her clothes were too tight

Wondering if the baby can breathe inside her womb

And how their relationship just isn’t right

The distraction,

Got me liking every status

But the status of my people

Is controlled by a governing apparatus

And I can see the stratus forming in our sky

And I would’ve taken out the time to read

But my ringtone is just way too loud.

The television’s light isn’t bright enough

But still your focused on the screen

And illuminati is taking over

Though you barely know what that means

I mean Beyonce’s bounce is useful

If you’re working on a pole

And JayZ’s swag is helpful

If you’re willing to sell your soul

But Im more concerned with why

We refuse to stand a little firmer

More concerned with the hidden agenda

Or the riots taking place in Burma

But no one minds the men in black

And of that I am certain.

Chris Brown and Rihanna are back together

Don’t mind the man behind the curtain.

Got my facebook popping

Keep my twitter twocking

Instagram on smash

Praying my hard drive don’t crash.

Downloading that new song from Wayne

The beat it just drives me insane!

And he almost died from overdose

And Justin Beiber going broke!

But I cant tell you what laws were passed

Though Obama and Michelle are such an attraction.

Inside Edition’s inside my head

Keeping me fed with the distraction.

Hatshepsut Amun Re

Fear

They say I should fear God,
should I fear love too?
Fear my own heart,
despite it's truth?
Should I fear you?
A man,
without good intent
fear space and time,
and how it's spent?
Should I fear the flowers that grow
or the trees that give breath?
give breath to me?
Should I fear being free?
They say I should fear God,
because He said so,
but if that's true then I should fear the night moon and it's glow
I should fear the burning Sun,
and how it compliments my tone;
how it swelters me
I should fear my home and how it shelters me.
Fear the little babies crying or,
fear the elders dying;
not traveling on
should I fear the light when its gone?
or
when we're in it's shadow.
Should I fear the men in white robes or
fear maybe the one in black?
Should I fear the world's turning backs?
Fear?
That emotion is so deep
tampers with my DNA
got my vibes in a disarray
BUT they say
I should fear God
because He's the Master of my affairs
but He gives me free will
and that's a bit au contraire
Fear the one who gives me life?
But I choose to live?
Fear the one who implants life?
But I chose to bear these kids?
Fear is a weak emotion
and you say God wants me to feel it?
the hand He deals it
and then adds on this commotion?
That just doesn't make sense to me,
addition just don't sit with me
in the mind He gave me.
Fear God because He saved me?
Saved me from what?
the masked men in control?
Saved me from intruders
lurking in my home?
Enemy trying to teach my children
and manipulate the truth
destroying my people's mind
and annihilating the youth?
Saved me from my brother,
trying to take what he can get?
making babies then he splits?
God saved me from the fire He lit?
Or did he save me from you?
putting pressure on my mind
saved me from this time,
from losing my mind?
Saved me from my nation,
and now I don't know?
Saved me from the corporations
seeking to stop my growth?
They want me to fear God!!
The Heavenly Host that dwells above.
But there's only two emotions, that's
Fear and Love
and I've made my choice with the free will He's given me
I choose to love God
because part of Him is within me.
Fear or Love?
Fear or Love?
They say I should fear God,
should I fear love too?
Should I fear my own heart,
when it's nothing but true?
Should I fear you?
A man...
Should I fear my fellow man?
he wants me to fear God...
they say that I should FEAR God!

Ahmad

Its been 7 months since you've gone away
and I must say I miss you
And this pain is filling me up
I try hard to bleed it out of me
squeeze it out of me
standing in pools of blood
I drown
EVERYDAY
Did all that I could do
to avoid this right here
but still
my efforts
were not good enough
and it's tough
with no knife sharp enough
to bleed this grief from out inside of me
sweating through my skin
The tears I hold back
reluctantly
abruptly I screamed to the devil clothed in
black skin
black robe
black slacks
black heart
black soul
took you away
7 months to this day
no guilt in my heart
NO
just grief
grief I try to bleed out of me
but this knife is not sharp enough!
So I ice the wounds
sutures
bandages
ice
more ice
and still you don't appear
more ice
bandages
sutures
more ice
get it out of me!
bleed it out of me!
maybe drink it out of me?
Rum
Vodka
ice
more ice
It's been 7 months to this day
and I miss you.

Hatshepsut Amun Re

You Like It

You like it don't you?
When he fucks you
touches you
kisses the wounds he made.
And whispers sweet nothings
You like it.
Manage to get moist when he makes it home to you
smelling like exhaust
and sweat
and weed
and henny
a hint of perfume
on the streets he hasnt worked in years and you like it!
Matter of fact you love it!
Him and his 3 babies' mothers kids look just like him and you like it
He gives you gifts
his fists and a box full of excuses
he abuses
you love him and make up excuses
he never bought pampers but all those children call him daddy
and you like it
said you go crazy when he bite it
but takes chunks of your heart
and feeds off of your soul
lives with his mother and you like it
you love it!
Love the thrust when he all up inside of you
cumming inside of you
smacking your ass
next time its your face
fucking you
sucking you
tell you suck that life from inside of you
he suck the life from inside of you
and you like it!! Matter of fact you love it!
Love being his mother
mothering his children
feeding him
clothing him
taking care of that man
that boyish man
fucking you
sucking you
yet, you like it!

Hatshepsut Amun Re